A Message for Teens

Yo,

I want you to come to my shows. They’re mostly filled with a bunch of people in their 20s, but you should come too! While my shows have no age restriction and are cheap I understand that there are other barriers to partying, especially on weeknights.

So here is my offer to you, teens. If you promise to go to more shows then I promise to make an attempt to do your homework. Don’t have time to go into Brooklyn because you have homework? Bring it, and I will do it. I’m best at math and history, but I also have smart phone + Internet.

Here are the conditions you are agreeing to:

  • You have to text me with the assignment by the time school ends. My number is 845.418.4508.
  • I am making no promises as to how good of a job I will do with your homework.
  • It is is a long form project let me know in advance and we can work on it together with the promise that you will attend many shows in the future.
  • You cannot buy/sneak in/drink alcohol.

If you need help going out through means that can only be obtained by deceiving adults then I will possibly lie over the phone to parents and/or teachers, but I reserve the right to vet the situation first.

Going to shows is important! It is even more important if you would rather be going to shows than doing homework. However, refusing to do the things people tell you to do will only make everyone pissed at you, which is a severe detriment to partying. Trust me, because people get pissed at me all the time, and it makes my life way way harder than it ought to be.

But with that said: high school is bullshit and I want you to see art.

So, teens, text me, and I’ll do your homework.

Seriously.